I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
