jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Found the puke drawer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
