Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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