a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
