We're facebook friends in real life
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
