this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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