I feel great
I just peed on a car
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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