I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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