Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
