3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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