Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
