the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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