Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
