I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
