just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize