Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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