Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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