i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
