that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
