Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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