It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
