Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
