Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
