just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
