Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
