Got a toothbrush?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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