dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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