I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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