When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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