We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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