Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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