you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
