Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
