I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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