you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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