I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
