Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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