don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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