arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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