He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
