Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
