Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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