Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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