Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
