I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
