Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
