I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
