I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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