I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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