I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
