Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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