I am in a vortex of obligation.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
