just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
