my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
