how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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