Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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