I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
