Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
