If i come over, it means nothing
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
