I am in a vortex of obligation.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
