we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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