i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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