you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
