When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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