I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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