Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
