just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize